S.A.D.

I let someone go last night that's been a huge part of my life for the past 3 1/2 years. I so wish I had the sparkly magic wand that would make things different, that would let the truth shine and make fears dissolve.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

More Trainage

There was a guy on the F train in Brooklyn yesterday wearing sweater....sweatpants. Grey sweatpants with inserts of fair isle sweater panels. Yes, I said panels. Unfortunately I was sitting beside him so a pic would have been too obvious. Should have done it anyway.

Huggie Wuggie Was A Bear

Yesterday on the subway--

Guy sitting next to me, "Thank you for being alive."
Me, "Thank you."
Guy, "You have a huggie  face."                                                                                                                                                                                                   Me, "A huggie face?"
Guy, "Yes, you want to hold it in your hands and stare at it."
Me, "Thank you"...as I inch my face closer and closer to the paper I'm reading.
Guy, "Thanks again for being alive. This is my stop."

Never a dull moment on the train.

***He also said nothing I was reading could be as interesting as me. Take that New York Times.

 

Sex for Sex

Sometimes when you have been mired in an unhealthy relationship for 3 years and haven't had sex in 7 months, you will ignore what you feel about someone, what you intuitively know because you are compelled to recognize a core human need--to acknowledge and express the yearning to feel desire and to be desired.

My mission now is not to try and change the situation or the person. Why is this so easy to say and hard to do. It's not what you know, it's how you react to it. My job is have gratitude for the experience, to enjoy and let it go.

Mission accepted.

Having An I Don't Love NY Moment

What is it with people taking up the entire sidewalk and glaring at you as if it's a standoff to see who will move first. As I was walking home today in the 100 degree weather, a group of 3 (2 guys and a girl in the middle) were walking toward me taking up the entire sidewalk. As I was walking on the "house/concrete wall" side, there wasn't anywhere for me to go. The guy stared at me and moved maybe...maybe....2 inches which made me have to turn sideways. My bag still grazed him but not hard enough. What is that about? Is it just being an asshole, is there some kind of weird power play going on? Seriously, what happened to manners? Makes me want to scream fucking asshole. Fucking Asshole. Okay.

In all fairness to NY, I've had this happen in Va too but much more frequently in NY.

Ass Outage

 (Pic for reference only--the shorts were much much shorter)
When did it become acceptable to wear boy short underwear (passing as shorts) under a sheer skirt? I was in a coffee shop a couple of weeks ago when in pranced a woman (early 20's) with half her ass hanging out. In her defense, he assets were great but come on. In truth, if it had been in NY instead of Richmond, I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but it wasn't. Am I becoming an old fuddy duddy? I don't think so. Why is there a skin contest with so many women these days? I know the common arguments--porn, insecurity--but what happened to the fine art of subtlety? I often wonder if there will be a backlash when less skin is seen as more provocative than more skin showing.

Rarrrhhhh! Rarrh??

I'm not sure cougars even make that kind of noise, but it's on my mind today. I went out with someone--David-- two nights ago that was born the year I entered college...the year I ENTERED college....you get where I'm going with this, yes?

First of all, the word cougar and all its negative insinuations is vile. I emailed Courteney Cox telling her she should be ashamed to be in a show promoting the word, but I'm sort of doubting she really took it to heart or that she even saw it.

Information you need to complete the scenario:

1. We met when we both looked at the nastiest apartment in Brooklyn. Dis. Gust. Ing. For reals.
2. I had just worked out. Let's just say I wasn't at my best.
3. I was with a male neighbor and David got my email address...to share a website on apartment openings. In hindsight, this was a bit forward as I was with a boy. A day later he requested to be my very best friend on FB, and 2 weeks later I decided "why not" and accepted.
4. He's a really good looking, olive skinned, muscular, dark haired (lots of it) nice young boy who happens to be an excellent pool player and kisser, but I digress. He's also a bartender/actor/writer/producer. I am a day-glo white, somewhat muscular, mostly brown haired (all brown haired when I've been to that fancy salon on 82nd St), nice youngish girl who happens to be an awful pool player (I have tournament stats to prove it) and a rather good kisser...or so I've been told. But who really knows about that? Everyone thinks they're a good kisser--all depends on the 2 people kissing in my humble opinion.

What am I to do with this situation? Besides owing him a nice dinner and some better billiards skills...what do I do? I've never been a person to date for sex only or for fun. I like fun but not in my relationships *dripping sarcasm*. I had one one night stand--the first one doesn't count as I knew him from high school and we ended up dating for 3 months.  I can't even get a one night stand down correctly. On the other hand, I could use some real honest to goodness passionate sex.

Points to ponder.